remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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