Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
