I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
