if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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