New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
