This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
