When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
