How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
