There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
