And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
