Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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