Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
