I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
