I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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