Screwed.edu
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
