"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My cat gives me a boner
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
