I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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