This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
