i think my mom watched the whole time
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
