Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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