You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
