The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
