New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
