Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
