Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We're hate flirting, damnit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
