Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize