Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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