you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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