mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize