I cannot find my penis.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
