i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
