sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
