D3 body, D1 cock
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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