She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
