I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
