I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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