I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
