He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
