I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
