your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize