Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need to stop coming to work sober
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
