Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
