He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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