I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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