some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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