it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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