yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
