If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
