I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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