She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
