nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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