you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
