i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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