yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
