he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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