Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
