2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
