You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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