How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize