I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
