and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
