Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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