This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
