I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
