he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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