Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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