I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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