she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
