her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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