ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
