the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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