theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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