I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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