it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize